Newsletter Theme

December 2003

 

A possible theme for the December Newsletter suggested by one member was the introduction of Pet’s Corner. (see ‘My Feline Companion’ below). We have also decided to continue the theme from the Summer edition (members light-hearted or funny experiences with ME) since we could not include all the material we received in the last edition. We hope you find them amusing.

 

My Feline Companion

By Sheila Routledge

 

This is for all you cat lovers out there. I am bedbound and my Siamese cat, Misty, keeps me company a lot of the time sharing my bed, but, the trouble is, she thinks she should share my meals also. She also has a habit of lying across my neck whilst I am resting and sleeping in my bed, both of us sleeping peacefully, when, all of a sudden, she wakes up and decides I need a wash, so she proceeds in swiping her tongue across my face resulting in waking me up also. (Well! I suppose she is just trying to help me by washing me.)

 

        Blame the Dog!

           (Anonymous)

Recently for a rare treat, I was wheeled out to a garden centre café with my 4 year old daughter. Due to the usual food intolerances, I had black tea.  As my carer poured milk into her coffee, my daughter loudly informed the entire café, in an ever matter of fact voice, “Mummy doesn’t take milk, it makes her fart terribly.”

I told a fellow ME sufferer this and he replied that a lot of people buy dogs, so they can blame the dog for any unwanted effects of food intolerance!

 

Doing it  à lá “casualty!”

By Victoria Loughlin

I always seem to miss the boat with your “themes” (such is the nature of ME) but I hope you use this “funny” tale of life with ME.

I have been attending a local “spiritual healing group” for 2 years now, taxied by my carer/husband, in a wheelchair, lying down not sitting for healing. 

These are lovely people who are familiar with illness in all its guises, but when I mentioned I was feeling worse than usual my lovely healer asked, “Are you managing to get to work?” I suppose it’s my fault for keeping answers brief when asked how I am, e.g. “not so bad” or “up and down”.  At that point I decided to front up and explain just how bad ME is for me (not half as bad as it is for so many of you) and I could see she was shocked.

Anyway at the end of the session she closed with this comment, “You know you would get a lot more sympathy if you did not look so well”. Next time I’m going to wear stage make-up à lá “casualty!!”

 

 

Nurses Make the Patients Die Laughing

By Peter Pallot (Health Services Staff)

Nurses’ recent examination papers have had those marking them in stitches, according to the St John Ambulance magazine.  The magazine has reprinted selections of howlers scarcely calculated to raise patient confidence. The errors in exams at all nursing levels included;

“Artificial respiration is known as the kiss of death.”

“A bleeding nose may require circumcision.”

“The best treatment for shock is to rape the patient in blankets.”

“The patient will need to be publically shaved before theatre.”

“If the patient is worried about his wife and family, the social worker will be able to dispose of them for him.”

“Wash the patient’s groin and genial area.”

“When a nurse has passed her final examination, she is certified.”

“Some drugs have a more lusting effect than others.”

“The best room for eye trouble is one that is well alight.”

 

Lt Cdr John Hammond, secretary to the St John Ambulance medical board said yesterday: “This year’s crops are some of the best yet.”  And as a cautionary note he revealed that most of the perpetrators passed their exams. (Scary stuff, eh! - the Ed)

Sent in by Maureen Dinsdale